School Story:
School and making relationships were hard for me. My home life was very unhappy. My mom was verbally abusive to me constantly, and was always on my case about something. It was usually totally undeserved. The stress sucked out all of my enthusiasm for anything. I barely made it thru to the end of the 12th grade. My grades were very low; I didn't study because of depression. I even almost failed English which was one of my favorite subjects! The long vocabulary lists bored me to death.
I learned later on in life that I could get good grades when I applied myself. I averaged a 3.97 GPA in college in 2008 when I was working towards getting my RN. I did not continue because I was also helping my daughter through college. Financially, it was just getting to be too much. I stopped just short of the math requirements for my nursing pre recs. I realize now I should have put off family obligations, and finish my education. My daughter didn't even follow through after that. It was good however to finally realize that I could have made good grades back then had I been happy and motivated.
I kept a low profile and had very few friends. I was very shy, but more likely, scared. My mom divorced my dad (who was just as selfish) due to physical abuse. She was completely uninterested and uninvolved in my happiness, or schooling. I did participate in choir. That turned out to be a saving factor in my life. I learned how to sing while I was in the military because I had Christian records that I liked to sing with. After I married, I participated in trios, quartets, sextets, double mixed sextets, large group choirs, concerts, and more. I even formed choirs at times, and directed them (not that I liked directing).
In school, I had to keep my hair short for so many years. I was told I didn't take care of it, but I didn't know how! My mom never showed me how to properly take care of my hair, or my skin or nails. After high school, I must have rebelled because I have a picture where it was quite long (I still need to find that picture). I kept it long for many years, but have had it cut in a layered cut at times.
I was just beginning to like my hair in high school. It was somewhat curly, and had a bad frizzy spot right in the middle of the back of my head! I thought it was mostly because of bad hair products, but I'm thankful to have had healthy hair most of my life. Then, I had covid for two months last year (Sept-Oct of 2021). Strangely, afterwards, almost all of my hair fell out (hair fall), and as the hair began to grow back in, the curly area returned in the same spot! Not frizzy this time, but mostly unmanageable. Frustrating!!
I also had crooked teeth, so was very self-conscious. Braces back then was absolutely out of the question. She was a single mom raising 4 children. I finally got braces after I got married. They were straightened in 1990.
I wish I had had the courage to make more friends, but I suppose I didn't because I felt ugly. And I wasn't emotionally supported in my own home. How would my friends be accepted, and would they accept me? I was very lonely, and cried a lot when I was alone. I wish I had understood that I could have sought out a counselor or mentor, but we didn't do things like that in those days.
I had three brothers and one sister. She pretty much ignored me. She preferred to be with her friends. I hung around with my brothers mostly, and became a regular tomboy. I should mention that I made friends easier with boys, than with girls (probably due to my bad relationship with my sister). Anyway, there was this boy in my American Problems class who sat across from me. He was so handsome. I was too embarrassed to speak in class, afraid he would notice me, and I didn't dare look directly at him. I figured he would think I was ugly (my teeth and my frizzy hair). He was on the football team, I think... Can you imagine being so introverted? Ooh, it was painful.
I now find it easier to make friends, but I have learned to be selective. Not everyone who says they're your friend, acts like a friend. My present friends love me and appreciate my sense of humor. I have since grown out of the fear that gripped me as a youth. I am a Christian, and am now content in knowing that I have the hope of eternal life because of a Savior who knew how to save one so lost. 😄